It's a cliche to draw an analogy between one's emotions and the weather, but there you have it. The clouds can't make up their mind: one minute it's kindasorta spitting, the next its raining in earnest, and 5 minutes later, clear skies. And it all repeats on the hour.
Last night, as I was falling asleep, a teeny tiny voice said, "Maybe you can still change your mind and just stay here." I awoke this morning to newly sorted bookshelves, and joy: I know I've made the right decision. I'm ready to go.
The problem, as I see it, is that I made this decision ages ago, or at least started down a pretty inevitable path, anyway. I'm moving for a job that I received after working at The Firm last summer, after interviewing for the job the October before, after being screened for the interview in July of 2003, after applying for a screening spot in April, after deciding in 2000 that it would be cool if Pat and I could somehow live in the same city in 5 years.
It's been a long, long time coming. I'm angsting a little bit because of that, because there's a lot going on, but mostly because change - no matter how much you want it, and no matter how much you've planned for it - is hard.
As usual, I need to be more patient with myself.
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5 comments:
Cut yourself some slack, chica! It's a big move, no matter how long you've been waiting for it. And, as we have discussed, there is also the brown tendency to make every decision seem irreversible and therefore overly momentous.
Okay, I got that far in writing and realized I'm a total hypocrite because I am completely anti-change right now. So, how about just an amen, sister then? :)
Comment spam?
Wow.
I feel like I've arrived.
dude, feeling similar things. so hard to leave but then realize that this is why i went to school, right?
Ana Ng and I are getting old and we still haven't walked in the glow of each other's majestic presence........
Build a little birdhouse in your soul, A-F :)
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