I locked you out/you cut a hole in the wall

Conversation with a former coworker. Joe and I worked together circa 2000

Joe: Do you know this person? harish.majithiya

me: um, no

I assume you thought i might b/c he's indian

Joe: mmm. He wants to Chat with me???

Well....

yes

me: i don't

me: but agree to chat with him

and ask if he knows me :D

Joe: lol

Joe: oh, you think you're so funny!
me: some things never change!

Why You Should Never Come to Me For Advice or Commentary

LittleBro: so i found out tonight that the girl i'm seeing has wrestled someone in jello

maisnon: hmmm.

wait, so have i

in high school

LittleBro: seriously?

maisnon: and not that much jello

i'm not sure that i did any actual wrestling

LittleBro: does the amount make any difference?

maisnon: i think we basically just threw it at each other

LittleBro: oh

alright

shrinkage

And the world gets a little smaller, still. (carteblanche is a law school friend who lives in SF.)

carteblanche: it's nice that roonie is back.
maisnon: um, you do know that roonie is in real life one of my best friends, right?
carteblanche: She is? Really?
maisnon: are we talking about the same one? (is there more than one?)
carteblanche: Is she ... ahhm... dare I ask - cute?
maisnon: yes .....
carteblanche: damn
maisnon: but wait, this can't be right - how do you know her? i.e. in what context/which blog?
maisnon: b/c I don't think MY roonie has posted pics?
carteblanche: Texas law grad?
maisnon: so, phew, not my roonie
carteblanche: ahh bummer
maisnon: (although my roonie is a law grad, and currently lives in TX)
carteblanche: well, you're on roonie’s blog roll.
carteblanche: wait - geezohpetes.
maisnon: uh oh, is it getting weird again?
YES
carteblanche: yes
maisnon: that is my very good friend
carteblanche: she rocks

..........

maisnon: do you mind if I blog part of our convo ?
I can change your name (to anything you'd like, even.)
carteblanche: Sure, whatever you want.
maisnon: oh - carte blanche!
carteblanche: LOL. As long as I don't look like an ass.
maisnon: I may just go with carteblanche
maisnon: man, I have a weird sense of humour

knitwit

I'm (re)learning how to knit! I tried to (re)teach myself last year, but did not get very far. (Mostly because of Gia's enthusiastic "assistance.") I will be taking a class at my local knitting shop. I went in over the weekend to pick up supplies.

superhelpful shopchick: Now you need needles.....bamboo or plastic?
maisnon: ??
shopchick: Well, are you a tightly wound personality, or loose-y-goosey?
maisnon: Tightly wound.
(shopchick selects plastic needles)
maisnon: Now, I immediately want to say "But, I'm not REALLY tightly wound"
shopchick: .... proving that you are, of course.

spooky

wt: Are you coming over to watch scary movies?
maisnon: Yes, but, um ... I'm really bad at scary movies.
wt: Let's pick some that aren't then, "Dawn of the Dead"?
maisnon: Hmm, maybe. How about "Dead Again"? Or "Diabolique"
wt: Possible.
maisnon: Or we could go old skool and watch "Silence of the Lambs."
wt: OR....how about America's Next Top Model?
maisnon: Omigod, YES! Because, seriously, who is scarier than Tyra?

one-liner

Off the mark, but still depressing.

Cabbie (picking me up at the SF office at midnight): So, are you a lawyer or an investment banker?

jump!

Email convo with coworker (streamlined for those with short attention spans):

TheMighty: Btw, did this picture crack you up or what?

maisnon: Sadly, as a former cheerleader, my response was "point your toes!"

TheMighty: oh boy. i will have to use cheerleader admission^* in the future. AWESOME!!!

maisnon: Yeah, that would only work if I had any iota of a problem with being a former cheerleader. I don't. READY? OKAY!

^* This is meant in the legal sense: an acknowledgement of the truth of a statement, or a statement tending to establish the guilt or liability of the person making the statement.

Anatomy

I noticed a coworker flipping through "Hair Sophisticate" (not joking), and asked her what she was planning.

She: I'm looking at changing my hair color. Something like this .... or this .... or maybe this. Somewhere in there.

maisnon: Okay, so more red?

She: Yeah, I'm looking for drastic, yet subtle.

maisnon: Okay, this will end in tears.

bollywood swingin'

maisnon: went and saw Spiderman 3 with Hesse last night. WORST!
sapner: can't decide whether to still go or not
maisnon: don't go! it has some really, really horrendous bollywood-esque moments
sapner: really?
maisnon: which i'm even LESS okay with when they are portrayed by Tobey Maguire. There is a scene where he kinda re-enacts Saturday Night Fever or something. So he is walking the streets kind of strutting, and giving people the double gun thing at waist level
sapner: oh lord.
maisnon: and dancing ... and I was waiting for 15 male backup dancers to jump out. They’d be dressed in jumpsuits - maybe hot pink and blue or something.
sapner: any women dancing in the rain wearing chiffon?
maisnon: No - but lots of women dangling and screaming. Which could be subbed for the whole woman with hand to mouth during fight sequence thing.
sapner: I think they don't have fight sequences anymore. Like, dacoits are completely missing from bollywood now
maisnon: yeah - that's true, i'm thinking old school.
sapner: my all time favorite is when the intrepid hero takes his leave of his lady love and while speaking refers to the possibility that he might go down fighting and her hand goes to HIS mouth as if to force the words back in...
sapner: copious tears
sapner: and then hero holding her hand
sapner: and being even more macho
sapner: i cringe when i type it
sapner: i have a meeting to go to now
sapner: but will leave on that note
sapner: i may go down fighting though...
maisnon: no no.... don't say it!

Mary J. Wanna

Or, yet again, why I love working here.

I can't have plants at home (Gia is quite the greenery eater - and there are a lot of plants that are toxic to cats. Not a good combination.) I make up for it by having quite a few in my office. A coworker was in my office checking out the ones in the window. I told her that they were rootbound and that I need to repot them.

Then, my coworker and I cracked up and kept talking about buying POTs really loudly, practically screaming into the hallway every time we said "buy some POT!!!!" And cracking up some more.

Good times, good times.

More than Meets the Eye

Partner: I was just saying that there's such a difference between Federal and state court. Federal court is just .... a cut above. You walk in and you can just tell - it's professional, a little intimidating, etc.

maisnon: So, it's like Transformers v. Gobots, then?

Blur

The indomitable wt visited me at work and we hit Starbucks. (I know, sometimes the glamour - it's just too much.) wt zinged me with the quote of the day.

(wt tells me about some ridiculous interaction with a chiquita)

maisnon (stunned): I'll never understand people

wt: You'll never understand WOMEN. Because you're a DUDE!

maisnon (stunned silent - for once!)

wt: Well, you have dude emotions.

maisnon: I don't think it's that at all - I think it's that I'm an optimist and an idealist. And fundamentally, I just don't GET that people don't treat each other well, or with the other person's interest in mind.

(And, that latter part? Yeah, it doesn't get more "chick" than that.)

Those who forget history....

maisnon: 1 sec, someone is in my office
maisnon: ...and he just left
ILTSAE: ok
maisnon: ...after drawing an analogy between the holocaust and turtlenecks - "never again"
ILTSAE: omg. please tell me he's gay
maisnon: nope
maisnon: but he is jewish
maisnon: i honestly love my coworkers

Skeet surfin'

On a recent Sunday, I went shooting (shootin' ?) Quick background: I, along with a group of coworkers, won a morning of shooting at our annual charity auction. I had a great time, and would recommend it (and might go again.) The partner singled me out as the person most likely to end up buying a shotgun, but I doubt that very, very seriously.

Here's where it gets interesting: telling my mother. I don't know why I told her - I was afraid that she would freak out about it. (This is the woman who didn't want me donating blood after 9-11 because it involved needles. And therefore, somehow, was dangerous.)

maisnon: So, um, I went shooting on Sunday
maman: REALLY? Were you good????
maisnon: Uh, NO?
maman: Oh, I'm surprised. You didn't hit anything?
maisnon: Well, I hit some....
maman: You know, you have to keep OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON shooting.
maisnon: It's a shotgun - there are only two bullets!
maman: When you aim you need to be a little bit ahead of the target.
maisnon (inner): WTF is up with all of this shooting advice from a woman who has never held a gun???
maisnon: Okay, um, thanks. Wait - why did you think I'd be good at shooting?
maman: Well, you used to play that game on the computer....
maisnon (inner): what the hell is she talking about? Go go Gadget filial ESP.
maisnon: DUCK HUNT. I used to play Duck Hunt on Nintendo and you thought that would somehow translate into some kind of skill?

My mother remains the most hilarious person in my life.

Creed

newish secretary: [maisnon], do you happen to know Rajesh's last name?
maisnon: Yup, it's Bose.
newish secretary: OH! I thought it was DuBose or something.
maisnon: Well, that would make him French instead of Bengali.

DTG does the Bar

(May not make sense to non-law types)

DTG: VA civ pro blows
maisnon17: :-)
maisnon17: I remember Conrad asking me about CA civ pro
maisnon17: and I had to tell him that we only need to know FRCP
maisnon17: no Cali specific-stuff. He was irate
DTG: yeah, I resent people who are taking the truly easy bars like jersey and ct
maisnon17: dude, NO ONE would call the California bar easy
maisnon17: I think NY is harder, but people often put Cali ahead b/c of its dismal pass rate
DTG: yeah, Cali has it's own issue with the third day
maisnon17: THE THIRD DAY
DTG: duh duh duh
maisnon17: man, I think we could make it a movie:
maisnon17: THE THIRD DAY: The Widowmaker
DTG: today I was contemplating how much i would pay to get automatically barred
DTG: I think I came up with 25k
maisnon17: dude, when I was studying for the Bar
maisnon17: I considered whether I'd do an extra semester of law school
maisnon17: b/c - studying is like 2 months, and a semester is 4
DTG: this is more studying than I've done in law school in total
DTG: my brain is pissed at me

Can I get an encore?

I averaged 2 hours of sleep a night while I was in Miami (more on this later, I promise), but I still had the sense to stop at Trader Joe's on my way home from the airport. Imagine my surprise when the cashier carded me - HARD!

cashier: I.D.
maisnon: REALLY?!?!
cashier: Yeah, for the wine.
cashier [smirking subtext]: You're so busted
maisnon hands over the license
cashier: Vir-gin-ya.......Hmmm.... '85, you're okay
maisnon: Uh, SEVENTY-five. I'm THIRTY-one.

As if!

Drop it Like it's Hawt

maisnon17: i'm still not totally clear on what your job entails
MattC: hearings, gang taskforce meeting, and traveling with the AG
MattC: my life is consumed by gangs. which is cool, because i have an even BETTER insight into rap lyrics!!!
maisnon17: HA HA HA!
maisnon17: hmmm...i have to say, knowing more about fiber optic networks.... doesn't help decode the lyrics
MattC: don't worry, i'll share my gang textbooks with you
MattC: i actually had to use the "blue flag hanging out the left side, yeah that's the crip side" in a community presentation the other week
maisnon17: HA HA HA HA HA
MattC: i felt like i was betraying snoop and pharrell

On guilt

... and my brazen refusal to be guilted.


From: the Star
Sent: Thursday, April 27, 2006 7:41 PM
To: maisnon

dinner?

From: maisnon
Sent: Thursday, April 27, 2006 7:53 PM
To: the Star

Dude, we JUST ordered Pizza from Applewood's. :(

Sorry, I should have asked you.


From: the Star
Sent: Thursday, April 27, 2006 8:00 PM
To: maisnon

Nah, no prob...I'll go out all by my lonesome self.

Thanks, thanks anyways...

boo hoo hoo...whoa is me...


From: maisnon
Sent: Thursday, April 27, 2006 8:03 PM
To: the Star

Have fun!

And, btw, it's woe...WOE is me. Or, in this case, woe is you.

I believe that children are the future

Tutoring a first grader....


maisnon: What does f-l-o-p spell?
small child: "Flava of Love"