Showtime

It's T-minus 1 hour until D-day here in California (because of the time difference, it's D-day already in the other time zones.) Bar exam time. Best of luck to everyone taking a Bar exam - I'm thinking of you. I fully intend to be stupid(er) for the next three days as I channel my brain waves to my exam-taking friends.

I can't believe it has been a year since I was in your shoes. More accurately, at times, it feels like just yesterday (because - hello - there's no way I'm ready to be a 2nd year associate ... I don't know anything), and at other moments, the Bar-taking process is shrouded by the mists of time (some would say "blocked out.")

Taking the Bar exam was on par with completing my first marathon in teaching me things about myself. It was simultaneously the biggest challenge to, and the greatest opportunity to see Zen lessons at work. It was a short, intense flurry that left me dizzy and worn-out.

I'm not saying I'd do it again in a heartbeat, but some good things came out of the whole process for me. With that thought in mind - go in there, kick ass, and take names!

NB: Hello - is it me you're looking for?

CalBar released its model answers for the July '05 exam.

Reading through them, I thought I could identify one of the answers as mine. Later on, I thought another one looked like something I wrote.

Now, I get it: all the answers (or at least the ones I recognized) are written in the "proper BarBri" style - IRAC, plus the little conjunctions, etc. that were used in the BarBri sample essays. 'Here,...' etc.

It's a weird system: the vast majority of Bar-takers do BarBri, so that sort of becomes the standard. It's a rush to be average and, in the words of Natalie Merchant, give 'em what they want. Just as law school has little to nothing to do with the Bar, the Bar has nothing at all to do with the "practice of law."

I PASSED!

July 2005 California Bar Examination
Application Number: 123
Registration Number: 123456789

Name: MAISNON

The name above appears on the pass list for the July 2005 California Bar Examination.

..........

And I'll have you know that I was cutting and pasting the above for your benefit while my best friend was urging me to call my parents.

Breaking radio silence...

So kids, it's over. GOOD things from the past few days:

Hanging out with my friend Kevin - he was my best friend from the summer class last year. I hadn't seen him in a year (!!), so it was fun to have him as my dinner buddy all week. Soon, very soon, I'll be living here and having adventures with him all the time.

Having the bestest bar exam support group EVER! I appreciated all the emails and phone calls, y'all. On site, one of my BarBri crew had her mom stay with her in the hotel. She hooked us up with food and deep breathing exercises at lunch every day. How sweet is that?? AND she took us to Chez Panisse for a late dinner last night. I called her Mom (sorry, Mom.)

I know about ... mmm.... fifteen people in the Bay area, and 12 of them, as it turns out, were taking the Bar in Oakland with me. I ran into nearly every person I summered with, some people who summered in the other Bay area office of the firm, as well as my roomie from last summer and HER friend. Craziness.

Meeting members of the Blawgination! Who sat next to me during the Bar? That's right -
I Fought the Law. Who did I run into in one of the massive lines for the elevator? Ms. Chai herself. We shared a BIG hug, like long-lost friends. I suppose, in a way, we are - after this craaazy summer. (We had drinks post-Bar, very very fun!) I ran into GG filling up on water before the last day. I'm horrified to admit that I introduced myself as my BLOG NAME, and never gave her my actual name - what is up with that???

But here's the very best thing: this is the first day I have all to myself in a long, long, LONG time. There are no papers to be written, no applications to fill out, no readings that need to be done before class, no second round edits on an article, no cramming for an exam.

I'm just me again.

NB: I've got dreams

sapner: i've been having law dreams every single night
sapner: it was only mildly annoying but THEN on the day i studied crim law/ crim pro
sapner: guess who featured?
sapner: (you actually have to guess)
maisnon17: WHITEBREAD
sapner: nope
sapner: go again
maisnon17: hmmm
maisnon17: [annoying fellow law student]?
sapner: no
sapner: last chance
maisnon17: scalia?
maisnon17: (what a nightmare that would be!)
sapner: oh lord. MIRANDA!!!!!
sapner: from SATC

En anglais, s'il vous plaît.

Feoffment involved a symbolic delivery of land by livery of seisin.

Whatever, bitches. I'm sick of reading shite that sounds like goddamn King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. I'm ready to joust over it, yo.

Overheard, the jet set version

• I'd sell my mama on K street to pay for BarBri.*
• MA! Airplane on fire! MA! Airplane on fire! (The airplane was not, in fact, on fire - but there were random billows of smoke from something near the airplane. The kid's yelling made everyone sit up and take notice, and titter nervously. People waiting in airports have a weird version of gallows humor.)
• Well, my ticket says Northwest, but the gate says Delta, and someone is telling me it's a codeshare with Continental. So it's every airline in the U.S., apparently. (Okay, that one was me.)
• So....when are you going home (my best friend, said in the car - PICKING ME UP AT THE AIRPORT!!! Good times, good times! ;) )

So, apparently, my study plan should have been to fly across the country repeatedly. I did so much work in the airport, on the plane, etc. That may just be correlation - I think the fire under my ass has well and truly been lit - it's about damn time!

* even if you don't know DC's more tawdry side, I think you can figure out what this means.

Leaving on a jet plane

I'm at the parentals. I left PMBR today, headed back to the office, completed a phone "security interview" for a friend (I burst out laughing when the guy called and asked if we could schedule a time to meet), hit the drugstore for extra earplugs and school supplies, Bath & Bodyworks for some "chill out" lotion (of course, I nearly freaked out trying to choose between "Breathe Calm" and "Breath Serenity" - what is the difference? Do I want to be calm? Or serene? Calm? Or serene? What is the difference? Serenity now! Serenity now! Glad to know that one of my lowest points, Bar prep-wise, happened while trying to select de-stress lotion.) I'm now doing laundry/packing/working on PR.

I've hit a calm (or is it a serenity?) I have everything with me that I'm taking to California. I'm going to PMBR tomorrow am, and my dad is picking me up at noon and driving me to the airport. I'm getting on the plane, and flying to CA. My best friend is picking me up (I haven't seen her since AUGUST - it's been an entire year.)

All I have to do right now is keep on keeping on. I have the plan, I've done the work...and I'm starting to get excited. I know that I'm going to peak at the right time, and that my mental game is coming online.

For my BarBlawg peeps - thanks a million, you guys kept me sane. You raged against BarBri with me, you showed me that my essays were not the complete crap that the graders seemed to think. And you did it all with elan and humour. I consider y'all friends - and that's saying a lot, considering that we're all (almost) lawyers! ;)

Regiment

So...this is what my Bar studying looks like now. Condensing my outlines into "idea maps" - how are things connected? What are the elements? The tests?

I'm trying to step up the number of essays I outline - and well I should, a lot of the time, my "rule" is more like a lot of "umm....something something goes here."

My MBE stuff is slowly improving...or is it? Hard to tell. I outlined a performance test, and I found it fun. In Epstein-speak, I done lost my mind, I know.

Aside from trying to stick to my "regiment"*, I am trying to get my mental game in order. So, so much of this exam is about the ability to not take yourself out of the game. Things that are helping me (your mileage may vary):

Understanding failure. I told a "rising 2L" that the best reason to pass the Bar is to not have to study for it again. I firmly believe that. HOWEVER, I know that by thinking about the possible consequences if I fail, I can eliminate some of my anxiety. Yes, it would very much suck to have to take it again, and the pride thing, and let's not forget the job thing (they'll let me take it again - like domesticated animals, "first bite is free.") BUT, if I fail - no one dies, it's not what I want, but it is manageable.

Remembering success. I was, um, much less than a stellar student in undergrad. Much less. My expectations for myself coming into law school were very modest. First semester, I thought I was so behind everyone else, and I was intimidated. People had study groups, lending libraries of study aids (okay - that was one group), etc. I remember Dec. exams as being pretty fun. We've already established that I'm a geek and crazy - what I mean is that, divorced from the pressure of having to perform, I was able to just get in there and see it as a game. Issue spotting became like... "Duck Hunt." Multiple choice, yes please. And so on.

That's my goal: to get back to the point where it is fun again, to know that I have prepared, and that, with a clear head, I can see it as a game and give it my best shot.



* A friend keeps referring to my schedule/plan/etc as my "regiment." I kind of like it - I imagine a sea of stuffy British redcoats (maybe drinking tea?) waiting to do my bidding. My first order - get rid of Community Property - CHARGE!

Press Pause

I was more than a little sad when my Bar prep class ended. Yes, I had been lectured to for four hours a day for the past 6 weeks. Yes, I had class over the weekend, making it a grand total of 9 days of BarBri in a row. I was sad about the end of BarBri for three reasons (1) that means the Bar is coming up right.fast.quick, (2) I met some really cool people and now we're scattering to the winds, and finally (3) it's another little, mini-phase of my life that's over.

I've had a lot of things happen in the last 2 months and I haven't had the time, perspective, space, mindset, etc. to be able to process any of it. I graduated from law school. This is huge - I still remember consoling myself the night before my first day by thinking, "If you hate it, you can quit after 1 semester." Law school has been my life for the last three years (in good and bad ways), and I haven't had a moment to really parse that it's over. I'm embarking on a new career, and moving across the country (i.e. away from my family.) The whole experience has placed me in a position I would have never imagined - it's all very exciting, or would be if I could assimilate it.

I need alone time - it's not just nice to have, I become crabby and irritable without it. I use that time to check in with myself and to think about things, or not think about things (sometimes the best way to wrap your head around an issue.) I know that I'm doing what I need to be doing right now, or at least trying to, but it's hard. I feel like so much is building up.

But, for right now, the levee must hold. Heel-toe, heel-toe, moving forward with schedules, lists, highlighters galore and a mess of flashcards.

les ongles

Dear Fabulous Readers:

Whoops. I somehow didn't think anyone would notice if I took a mini-hiatus. I didn't really even plan on not posting -it just sort of happened.

As you can imagine, things are heating up (2 weeks tomorrow, mes p'tits!) I'm not sure how much I'll be posting until D-day(s) are over - there will be some, but probably sporadic, at best.

Why the random pic of my nails, you may ask? I got my nails "did" over the weekend as a reward for having had 8 hours of class on both Saturday and Sunday (meaning I've had BarBri everyday since July 5.) I had the hardest time deciding on a color, and at the last minute, I went with this one. After I was left with the nail dryer (and the inevitable Lifetime movie, favoritest channel of nail salons), I flipped the bottle over and read the name of the color:

Don't Wine, Yukon Do it

So there you go. To all my Bar peeps - home stretch, kiddos! If I don't get a chance to check in with you, good luck on the California, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York, Florida, etc. etc. Bar.

Go in there, kick ass and take names - yukon do it!

NB: Heliotrope

So. Not quite end game, but getting there. We had our most recent Essay workshop on Tuesday and Sakai warned of us of burnout. Now, Sakai is pretty hard-nosed, so if he warns me to throttle back, I listen.

Not to worry, though, because it is happening kind of naturally. I coasted most of last week, and was very productive over the long weekend. I'm trying to listen to myself and work when I'm feeling it, and ease up when it's needed, or switch topics/tasks.

I've started thinking about what I want to bring with me to California, what do I want to wear to the Bar, etc. Today, I auditioned a pair of pants, and they passed! I'm trying to figure out what I want to eat. I have trouble eating when I'm nervous, but not eating is not an option. How sweet is this? One of my BarBri friends is staying in the same hotel, and her mom is coming and acting as her "second in command" - making her meals, etc. BarBri friend offered to have her mom make my meals too, which I thought was really nice of her, but I didn't take her up on it. She talked to her mom last night and mentioned that I'm staying in the same hotel, and her mom offered to make my meals. What a sweet family, eh?

I want to get through the materials, have time to "power up" on all the rules....and hit the Bar feeling sharp and fresh. It's that last one that may be hard.

But for now, I'm just hanging out in the water, sitting on my board with my feet dangling and watching the waves. When I see one I like, I paddle and ride it into shore, but sometimes it's just counting waves and feeling the sun on my back and the saltwater drying in my hair.

NB: Seriously Kinky

For my BarBri-mates: behold! An article on Epstein's favorite Texas Jewboy. He's apparently running for governor???

But, I guess that's no weirder than the Governator.

NB: Puzzle Pieces

I chickened out of grading my MBE. I don't know why, but I just never got around to it. Luckily, BarBri did it for me ;) I checked my scores last night and had a few surprises. I'm really strong on Contracts (whaa??), did decently on Property (ditto), and....showing my ultra-liberal-pinko-commie side, I apparently don't believe in Crime. (This is balanced out by my "I went to a conservative law school, and therefore will not recognize individual rights" side.) Good to know, good to know. I did notice that in the areas within each subject that I paid special attention to (after StudySmart told me I didn't know jackshit about them), I did decently.

I'm getting over my PT anxiety by taking PTs and reminding myself to JUST WRITE and not to get bogged down. Essays are going a little better too. The big problem, essay and MBE-wise is that I don't actually know anything. I mean, I have a lot of flashcards, and checklists, but I do not actually KNOW them. I understand that the last 2 weeks will be powering up on this material, so I'm not worried.

My game plan:

• PT: take a PT a week (so far, so good.) Review PT sample answers. Read and understand the intro to the PT book (a summary of Honigsberg's ramblings.) Be able to identify what skills are being tested on PTs and have a game plan for each.
• Essays: PRACTICE, practice, practice. I need to commit the checklists to memory, but that will happen after classes end. I'm also coming up with common fact patterns within each area, and will make more targeted checklists during the "powering-up sessions." (Ex. Torts: (1) products liabilty - they whole family of theories, (2) intentional torts w/a side order of vicarious liability, (3)Invasion of privacy/defamation - another little family.)
• MBE: review answers to sample MBE, and work on my weaker sub-areas. I'm trying not to get carried away with the MBE. I think this is an area of diminishing returns.

Although my results on the MBE were, um, less than stellar, I think they are were they need to be. I'm spending some time seeing how everything fits together and where I need to concentrate.

NB: Chartreuseacre

maisnon17: I'm starting to look forward to working
maisnon17: I was on The Firm’s website
maisnon17: and I clicked on some of my fave attorneys
maisnon17: and I realized I want to start working
DTG78: no you don't
DTG78: work is hard
maisnon17: I know this for sure:
maisnon17: I never, ever, ever want to hear about Blackacre
maisnon17: ever fucking again

NB: Build me Up, Buttercup

Ramblings about Bar stuff:

• Sakai and Honigsberg are the Good Cop/Bad Cop of Cal BarBri. "You will fail if you don't write an essay everyday" v. "FABULOUS!! PASS! PASS! PASS!"
• I'm starting to cut my losses on the MBE. For the remaining subjects, I will attend the lecture, and make flashcards. I will only consult CMR if there is a section of a subject that I am TOTALLY unclear on. It's taking too long, and I think my time is better spent on working on the essay, and PT section
• Starting the 11th, I will be writing an essay a day. The more practice I do, the more comfortable I feel (and hopefully, sooner rather than later, comfortable will become confident.)
• I'm also hoping to write a performance test every weekend. This is how I've prepared for every standardized test since the PSATs (yes, I did practice tests for them - welcome to having Indian parents! ;) )
• A huge part of the PT seems to be getting over perfectionism, identifying the issue, writing something (even if it is wrong), and moving the HELL on. Point taken, Honigsberg, stop freakin' yelling at me.
• You know what would make HUGE money? Designing a network cable that would enable a student to upload all of their flashcards into memory! I have about 300 at this point, and we haven't touched the Cal topics yet. My goal is to flip through the cards for 1-2 topics a day. After the lectures end, I will settle down to the business of "powering up" on all the rules.

Some good news: my attention span has increased (and thanggod!) When BarBri started, I could only focus for about 5 minutes at a time (and I'm not exaggerating.) Now ,I can go about 45 min at a time. Our class has FINALLY done a little on each part of the exam, and I'm feeling a wee bit more confident now - and I'm nurturing that. A huge part of this exam is mental - I know that by showtime I'll have the resources I need. It's not about being perfect, or knowing everything - it's about keeping your head, being smart, and just plugging away.

NB: "This is the goddamn [insert veggie you hate] of Bar preparation"

I think all Bar-prep types are in the doldrums. This is really the tea-time of the soul. Neither the excitement and "newness" of the beginning of Bar study (yes - once and for all, we've established that I am a geek extraordinaire), nor the crunch-time of having the end in sight.

I've taken it upon myself to tell you that WE'RE EXACTLY WHERE WE NEED TO BE. I know that it's very, very hard right now. I'm sick of finding YET ANOTHER area that "needs work." But, you know what, this is the time that counts. It's where you put aside the urge to weep (yes, I've considered crying over Property. I didn't because I realised that it just wouldn't help. Trust me, if it would - even a little bit - I'd cry hot tears over it.)

So, what to do? (In)congruously, I remember my marathon training. Specifically, I remember my coach telling me that when it is the very hardest to continue, pick up the pace. It's counterintuitive - but it really works. It shakes up your little system, it takes you a little further, and you can find a second (or third, or fourth) wind. Having a productive study session will motivate you SO MUCH. Promise a productive hour and be proud of yourself when you make it.

Be good to yourself - take some time off. That probably sounds crazy, especially considering the ever-lengthening list of things to "review" (is it still review when, apparently, you never learned it in the first place?) Trust me, taking an evening off and truly enjoying yourself, indulging yourself even, will put you in a much better headspace to get your ish done.

Have faith in yourself. You've come really, really far and done SO MUCH to be here. In the words of Papa Smurf, not much further my little smurfs!

Finally, don't be afraid. I think that's the root of procrastination, at least for me. (If I don't do it, then I didn't fail at it, and there's still a chance that I'll do it and maybe even do it well.) Face your fear and write the damn essay (clearly, a note to self), read the long outline on Future Interests. Don't be scared, you really do have the time. Take it one little step, one little issue at a time. It's much, much better to address your weak points NOW, rather than having that sick feeling in your stomach hoping and praying that they won't be on the exam.

Take heart, it's hard now, but everyone is in the same place with you. Take a moment to breathe, and then get in there and KICK SOME ASS!

NB: View from Week 3

A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, a BarBri outline, and thou...

(1) My first essay came back with these comments:

NICELY DONE. HIT ALL THE ISSUES, STATED THE RULES, AND APPLIED THE CURRENT FACTS.ALSO WELL-ORGANIZED.

Wow. Absolutely no advice on how I could improve my score. I guess I should be happy (?)

(2) I think that I'm getting a lot out of Stragedy, version 2.0. I've actually started adding flashcards from the CMR, and I think it's worth it. (After the "you don't need to know malicious prosection/abuse of process" Torts essay debacle, I decided I better start going through the CMR.) For the devotees of StudySmart, it's on there! Just select textbook, and it has the CMR for all of the MBE subjects.

(3) I'm not sure how many of you took the BarBri first year semester reviews. I did, and much as I love Dick, and Paula, etc. etc. - it's pretty hard to listen to the SAME LECTURE again. It's not so much even the lecture, as the jokes, the songs, the examples that start to annoy.

(4) I'm getting over my essay procrastination. I make it a 2 hour thing. First hour - outline essays 1,2, and 3. Second hour, write the essay and turn that sucker in! By doing that, I find that I have a good idea of the strategy/organization I'm going to use for that topic. I'm hoping that soon, I'll get it together and assign myself an essay a day.

(5) Performance Test. I'm a *little* anxious that we haven't touched this area yet, and won't until next Thursday (6/23), but it's not like I don't have enough to keep me busy until then! ;)

The pic: me studying Property by candlelight in a coffeeshop. If only Paula Franzese had been there she could have lit up the night with her awesome display of bling. During the lecture, when she would "give us the pope" (i.e. show us the back of her hand) - or heaven forfend, give us the pope with both hands -my mouth would drop open, and I'd totally lose track of what she was saying.

Nota bene: Stragedy, version 2.0

Okay, so if you're going to be weirded out reading my new study theories, don't read further.

I think that we all found our way in law school by figuring out what works for us as individuals. For me, I know that I have to REPEAT things, and try and see it in different forms. From our scary-ass "Essay Workshop" today, I realize that I need to get on the ball with the essays PDQ.

SO, here is my plan:

• Drills & Questions: When we have completed a topic, do all drills and questions. I'm moving over to StudySmart b/c (1) it keeps track of how you do in subtopics of each area, and (2) it pops up the answer for each Q as you finish it - which is how I make progress - seeing where I was off right away.
• Notes/Outlines: I'm still typing in notes taken in class into the Word docs to review on a daily basis. I try to make my own condensed outline - helps me understand how the topics fit together, and will help on essays. Maybe work in some CMR here, or in the...
• Flashcards: I'm not sure when, if ever, I'll look at these bad boys - but it REALLY helps me to write the material out. It's an active doing, as opposed to typing. And it's a 3rd run-through the material.
• Essays: NO MORE PROCRASTINATING! I liked Sakai's idea about using MBE questions as jumping off points to practice writing a specific issue, no idea when this will happen - but I'll try it someday.
• Review: Per Sakai's advice/lecture, I'm hoping to spend 1 hour a day reviewing material from earlier on. I am hoping to use the info from StudySmart to target areas that I don't get - hello CMR and detailed outline I've been assiduously avoiding!

That's not so much, is it?

Nota bene In re: Perspective

Taking my internal temperature and talking to fellow Bar-toilers, I realize that we’re all freaking out. I am a big believer in energy, and opportunity cost. Energy used for one purpose can’t be used for another. Energy wasted on worrying about not passing the Bar can’t be spent on actually studying for the Bar.

Referring to the cliché that this is a marathon, and not a sprint – there is a strong mental element. I let myself flounder a bit to find my feet, but now, in conjunction with preparing myself for the substantive component, I’m developing my mental arsenal. Channeling my inner-Tony Robbins, I’m visualizing myself at the exam, I’m focusing my self-talk (i.e. pulling the plug on my daymares about not failing), I’m building my confidence by thinking about the challenges that I’ve already faced, and I’m trusting the process (well, I’m trying – this is the hardest thing in the world for me.)

The other big part of this is perspective: every lawyer I know (and I know a lot – I live in the DC area) has passed a Bar exam. Hard, but not impossible. Sometimes you can eliminate anxiety by thinking about what you fear the most: if I don’t pass, I’ll take the exam again. It won’t be fatal.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand how difficult the exam is, and the pass percentage, etc. My most immediate goal is to PASS THAT SUCKAH - I’m just cleaning my mental house (the better to refill it with 1L class material, my dear.)