Monday, October 10, 2005

I go walkin' after midnight

Right now, I don't like myself very much. Everything seems to be a jumble of elbows and scratchy woolen sweaters. Hat tip to Pink, it's bad when you annoy yourself. I'm saying things I don't really mean, and I don't know why. I'm venting to friends, then shooting down everything they say.

I'm not going to get into a litany of complaints because they aren't that fun to read (unless you have enough distance to make it funny - which, right now, I don't) and because then I'll feel like I'm whining (i.e. I will irritate myself even.more.)

I managed to head into the city TWICE on Saturday. The first time, I consumed brimful's dad's favorite - the Thai food with pleine de brim and SJM. Mmmm....the Thai food. The second time, unfortunately, I was apparently wearing my crankiest pair of crankypants. Practically every detail irked me, like those little snips of hair down the back of your shirt after a haircut. Having said that, dinner at the Stinking Rose was delish. Mmmm...the garlic.

Sunday just was not pretty. As usual, I was caught in the gap between expectations and reality, between what you think you can control and what you actually control. I've suffered a series of (minor) disappointments recently and I feel like I'm supposed to be so happy and excited about the future (new job, new home, new car) when really I just want flannel pajamas, a nap, and maybe some butternut squash soup.

Sometimes Mondays really are the best - the funk had to be cut short because work called. And you know what? I was really ready to leave it behind anyway. I truly am excited about everything that's going on, as usual - I have to learn to accept some uncertainty. Things get done in their own time - not on my schedule. I drove the 2.5 miles to work blasting Patsy Cline and singing along with a smile on my face.


suitablegirl said...

awwww. sounds like the perfect time for a tryst punctuated by frites. *hug*

you can shoot me down. i won't mind. :)

jm said...

Maisnon, I read this post and thought that I could have written it. That's the exact way I've been feeling lately - crankypants for (apparently) no good reason. I feel guilty for feeling weekend malaise.

That being said, I'm most likely going to be in town this weekend...and I'm willing to drive to your neck of the woods. Let me know if you're available/interested.

Chai said...

such uncertainty...such crankiness..much understanding from the east coast rider.

brimful said...

- For quoting Patsy Cline, I lurve ya!
- For calling it The Thai Food, I lurve ya!
- For being Cranky McCrankypants, I lurve ya even more!!

Seriously, I know it sucks when meltdowns occur, but there will always be dips even when you're flying high, if that makes any sense. If you were all happy happy joy joy all the time, we'd wonder if you were medicated. Plus, who else would I bitch with, then? ;)