Monday, October 31, 2005

I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Ah...the eternal curiousity: someone searching for actual information and ending up at my blog

  • For whatever reason, this pic has come up as a Google result from people googling in many, many countries. As in, I've actually had to look up the extension to figure out what country/language it referred to. Behond, my nails. (And yes, of course I picked Google France as the example!)
  • Sing it, my Canuck friend!

And this one bruised me a little because it struck close to home: faith in yourself and passing the Bar. Deepening the bruise, I'm the first hit. For those keeping score at home, we have less than 3 weeks until results come out. I'm feeling all sword of Damocles about it: on the one hand, it will be a relief to know, on the other...IF I PASS.

Not to switch gears (which obviously means I'm about to), but going through this waiting process highlights for me that human existence is ultimately lonely. Too clove cigarette for you? I just mean that no matter how supportive your social network is, obstacles are faced alone. My mind's eye sees a boxer - in the ring, throwing punches and trying to keep the guard up - retreating to her corner between rounds to be tended, mended, and propped up mentally.

Switch. One of my favorite verbs in French is se manquer. It is used in this construction Tu me manques, which translates as "I miss you", but if you look at it word-by-word is really something more like "You have made me miss you." I've had the same, hauntingly frank Bob Dylan lyric running through my mind all morning (but sung by Madeleine Peyroux):

Yer gonna have to leave me now, I know
But I'll see you in the sky above,
In the tall grass, in the ones I love,
Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.


brimful said...

Ah... I love that song- especially as sung by Peyroux.

And I agree with you about life's obstacles being ultimately about solitude- after I realized that, life actually became a lot easier to handle, strangely enough.

badmash said...

Maisnon, j'ecoute toi! Seriously though (and if you'll forgive the unsolicited advice) - the worst thing you can do is to let the waiting paralyze you. Focus on the fact that, either way, in 3 weeks you won't be carrying around the uncertainty anymore. Good luck!

Matt Conrad said...

I think I disagree. You should enjoy the uncertainty and use it as an opportunity to appreciate the many directions and possibilities your life offers.

Saheli said...

Se Manquer is my favorite french verbe as well. "You are lacking from me," is always how I think of it.

To relax you while you wait: The Butterknife of Damocles.