I finally did it! I finally managed to lie about my dating status. Or at least, dissemble.
The delivery guy was clearly Indian (his compatriot called him Bapu - BAPU, for pete's sake!) , so I decided to try and circumvent the 20 questions by asking him where in India he was from. He replied, "India." This was going to go well, I could just tell. My first name (on all the delivery papers) couldn't be more Indian if I tried. (So is my last name, but only if you're familiar with our little neck of the woods.)
I was signing papers for the delivery guy when he said "So, you live alone." To anyone inside my apartment, it's beyond obvious that I live by myself - but why (WHY) would a delivery guy comment on it? It's creepy! Then he said, "You don't have boyFREN?" I managed to sputter "I didn't say THAT." Oddly, he had me totally pegged: "You just don't want to LIVE with him." I'm not sure if that was meant as a commentary on my domestic failings or a simple observation, but I couldn't have said it better myself.