Guilt

As certain bloggers know, I consider myself a founding member of the Partnership for a Guilt-Free America.

Having said that, I'm feeling guilty. I spent on a carefully plotted shopping spree for my upcoming trip to Costa Rica. My mother called me in the middle of the second store. She asked me if my trip was still on (alluding to the recent goings-on in London, and the change in security procedures.) I could hear the hesitancy, and sheer unhappiness in her voice. And yet when she asked me if I was traveling by myself, I still said yes. Immediately, I felt such a pang.

As I get older, and perhaps as more of my friends have children, my sympathy for my parents increases. I still find their wiley ways .... not so wiley. But, still - I can't blame her. I'm her only daughter and, to her eyes, I'm willingly putting myself in (potentially) harm's way when I could just come home to D.C. and spend time with her already. I even for a fleeting second thought about doing just that, and felt an equal and opposite pang. (Newton's third law?)

Not for the first time, I wish it were like the after school special: that my mom could see that I'll by happiest going to Costa Rica, and since what she really wants is my happiness, she joyfully lets me go. I guess it's more like half the after school special - she "lets' me go, but still feels anxious and distressed about the whole thing (and indirectly lets me know too.)