when harry met sally

Harry : You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally : Why not?
Harry : What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends

I love When Harry Met Sally- I've loved it for years. (The iconic diner scene! The witty repartee! The street scenes of NYC!) Not surprisingly, I've always disagreed with Harry.

Until now. I've been truly loathe to admit it, and I'm still fighting it on some level, but goddammit - Harry's right. I've had loads of guy friends most of my life, until fairly recently. And "recently" spells the death knell for my optimism re: platonic friendship. What I've found is that if I am friends with a (straight) guy for some length of time, eventually, he'll decide that I'm into him. This wouldn't be such a big deal if I could just talk to the guy about the situation, but that's never how these things work. Any sort of attempt at discussion is met with a complete stonewall/"I don't know what you're talking about" type attitude. And then I become incandescent with rage.

(This is not to say that I don't occasionally fall for my male friends, but I usually just lie down with a cold compress on my head until it goes away.)

It seems the only friendships with men I can sustain are those with guys who are gay, married, or in relationships. Basically, if the romantic possibility hasn't been excised in some way, things are going to get up going pear-shaped. This poses a problem: my potential male friendship pool is small and shrinking. (For example, while I have many married guy friends, I met them all before they married.) So, increasingly, my male friendships are with men who are younger than me. If I think about it, I can see some vanishing point in the future - make friends with younger men, lose them through misunderstanding (see above) or when they settle down. (It is a rare occasion when I do not lose/nearly lose male friends after marriage.)

It's a thorny knot for me, and one I don't want to spend too too much time thinking on.

55 Fiction Friday: Sawatdee edition

Friday likes to stand on the corner and people watch.

“Sorry, honey – I’ve got to work late again.” His message echoed in her head as she stared across the street. There he was, whispering into someone (some female one’s) ear. No one tells you how to handle this situation – confront? Slink home with the pad thai you knew would end up in the trash, uneaten?

vingt cinq

Okay, fine fine fine - the noodging of a 1000 facebook notes pays off in this post.

1. Libraries are (one of) my happy places. I love wandering the stacks, picking out random books. I go to the library once a week to collect books I've put on hold. I gave away about a gazillion books when I moved from the East Coast, and I promised myself I'd use my local library. It has worked. I treasure my library card.
2. I nearly went to film school, and was accepted into a medical program. I'm so so glad I didn't pursue those paths.
3. I get all of my news from blogs. No, no - not news sites. Blogs. (Often, blog posts linking to news sites, but still. Blogs.)
4. I just bought a cast-iron pan and I'm looking forward to making pineapple upside-down cake. I'm getting more and more into cooking.
   
5. I'll never be a big shopper. I can only take about 45 minutes in a mall (I think it's the recycled air? Claustrophobia?) Then, I kind of freak out and need to leave. It's a little better strolling around a shopping district, but yeah - not a shopper.
6. I have more girl crushes on celebrities than (boy) crushes. Tina Fey, I'm lookin' at you here. (You too, Rachel Maddow and Sarah Haskins.)
7. I am not allowed to buy candles or bath & body products until I run down the current stocks. It may be a year or more.
   
8. After a self-imposed, years-long hiatus - my political/wonky self is back in full force. I am from DC, after all.
9. This shouldn't be a surprise, but I am a feminist.
   
10. If there's anything with eggplant on the menu, that's what I'll order. (See also artichokes, sundried tomatoes, goat cheese, polenta, spinach.)
11. It's not eco-friendly, but I love driving. Time in the car can be really therapeutic for me.
12. I just finished training to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate. (I got sworn in today!)
13. Hulu and Netflix's "Watch Instantly" feature have broken my "Amish/neo-Luddite" ways. I haven't owned a TV in ... ever, but now - with all the material available online - I've started watching a LOT of TV online.
14. I didn't understand what all the fuss was about Twitter, but I've come to really enjoy it.
15. I'm ridiculously devoted/obsessed with Target, IKEA, and Trader Joe's.
    
16. People ask/assume I'm writing a book on a regular basis. Some day, I'll prove them right.
17. The KitchenAid Mixer is one of the best reasons to get married. (You only get them off your bridal registry, natch.) I really want one (mixer, not marriage), even though I'm pretty sure I wouldn't use it.
18. I'm assumed to be a big-time extrovert, but I only come off that way because I zealously guard my alone-time. I needs it! I must have it! MY PRECIOUS!
19. I'm so lucky I live in the Bay Area - close to wine country, and beaches (with freezing-ass water, granted), Tahoe, etc. My heart really is in San Francisco, high on a hill. I love my neighborhood and its oddly small town vibe. I run errands once a week on foot, and I know my neighbors (and their children and dogs!)
20. I'm into textiles: I sew, I knit, I embroider and cross-stitch. I find it relaxing and producing something is ... satisfying.
    
21. I go through the occasional bout of insomnia. This, above all other things, has taught me openness. I am always open to trying new things that may work. (Aromatherapy, showering at night, "sleep music" - they have all worked for me, to varying degrees.)
    
22. I'm a big-time law geek. Sometimes, when I'm reading a legal newspaper or a court decision, I'm suffused with energy and affection. I love how concepts are clarified. I love arguments, and negotiations. I love words.
23. I enjoy collecting art. Some of my favorite sites include 20X200, and the very addictive etsy.
    
24. I'm not very girly-girl, but I am very picky about my eyebrows, and nails.
25. For reasons unknown, babies and small children *LOVE* me. I think it is somehow genetic, because my father gets the same treatment.
    

Oscars commentary

maman: Did you watch the Oscars?
maisnon: No ... did you?
maman: Yes, to see "Slumdog Millionaire", you know.
maisnon: Did you see the movie?
maman: Yes! We saw all of them on the stage!
maisnon: No, did you SEE the movie... "Slumdog Millionaire"?
maman: OH! No, no, no....