Thursday, July 14, 2005

Press Pause

I was more than a little sad when my Bar prep class ended. Yes, I had been lectured to for four hours a day for the past 6 weeks. Yes, I had class over the weekend, making it a grand total of 9 days of BarBri in a row. I was sad about the end of BarBri for three reasons (1) that means the Bar is coming up, (2) I met some really cool people and now we're scattering to the winds, and finally (3) it's another little, mini-phase of my life that's over.

I've had a lot of things happen in the last 2 months and I haven't had the time, perspective, space, mindset, etc. to be able to process any of it. I graduated from law school. This is huge - I still remember consoling myself the night before my first day by thinking, "If you hate it, you can quit after 1 semester." Law school has been my life for the last three years (in good and bad ways), and I haven't had a moment to really parse that it's over. I'm embarking on a new career, and moving across the country (i.e. away from my family.) The whole experience has placed me in a position I would have never imagined - it's all very exciting, or would be if I could assimilate it.

I need alone time - it's not just nice to have, I become crabby and irritable without it. I use that time to check in with myself and to think about things, or not think about things (sometimes the best way to wrap your head around an issue.) I know that I'm doing what I need to be doing right now, or at least trying to, but it's hard. I feel like so much is building up.

But, for right now, the levee must hold. Heel-toe, heel-toe, moving forward with schedules, lists, highlighters galore and a mess of flashcards.


Heather said...

Yeah, that's the only thing I'll miss about bar/bri. I don't think I even saw you on the last day - it didn't really seem like "the last day of school" or something when you go find all your friends before you leave.

And you're moving to California right? Well, I'm glad you brought the index card holder to class, or we never would have met. I hope our brief friendship can continue on through the blogs and email.

I'm with you on the alone time thing. Sure, I'm alone with my books all the time. Doesn't count. I need a week in a foreign land, with nowhere to be, and sit in a cafe and wonder where my life is going from now on. Our alone time will come soon enough, I hope.

eve said...

I've got major stuff going on in my life too, and it's my nature to confront issues immediately. It's been really hard to say, nope, can't do that right now, I'll have to think about it on the 29th. It makes me feel very Scarlett O'Hara-ish... Tomorrow is another day...

You guys must have had a cool BB class. Mine was pretty lame. I get the feeling a couple of people already knew each other, but for the most part we all just kept to ourselves. Or, maybe just nobody talked to me, and they were all bosom buds!!?? Oh well, I'll think about that tomorrow! :)

shell said...

Maisnon, moving onto new things can be such a terrifying aspect. However, I am certain that you'll make it through just fine.

Don't forget to take a deep breath. Like you said earlier, take some alone time once in a while. Law is a part of life, it's not your entire life.

jm said...

It's strange - I miss the alone/non-thinking time almost as much as I miss my social life. Going on a long bar trip is adding to the pressume - I get three days after the exam, and then I'm gone for almost all of August. We get back, and I start packing and leave to weeks later to move to CA.

However, when I think about it, my breakdowns have been move-related more than bar-related, because I just don't have time to do all the things I want to do before I say goodbye to this city.